I Play You On Repeat
by B.Jackson.Companion007
Summary: The Doctor, oh…the Doctor. She's got him, but he doesn't have her. A night of dwelling in the TARDIS…. Rated cause I'm paranoid! Mostly suggestive themes


Disclaimer : I sadly did not come up with the amazing idea for Dr. Who. All this goes to R.T. Davies and Steven Moffat and all the other brilliant writers at BBC. If I owned/wrote Dr Who…oh the ships would sail…

3TenRose

A/N : Set after 'Journeys End'. Sorry, this will be slightly angst-y. I know the Doctor doesn't listen much to music, but 'Theres this tune I found/That makes me think of you somehow/And I play it on repeat'

This is my first fic ever that I'm deeming worthy of posting, and I thank the god-on-earth that is the man named Alex Turner for the beautiful lyrics that inspired this! Inspired loosely by the songs;

Mardy Bum - Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, Thats What I'm Not

And also theres some Fall Out Boy in here… Irresistible from American Beauty/American Psycho.

Enjoy! Read! Comment!

\- B

—tu es invincible —

—

He was alone. This time, really alone. It felt like it anyways. He had to stand aside, while Metacrisis had the audacity to kiss her full on the mouth in front of him. HER Doctor. Her new-Doctor. And she kissed him back.

Damnit, he messed up. Why was it that he could save millions of lives, save the day, save the whole goddamn universe even, but he couldn't save her? He saved her in the sense that she was alive and well, with a chance at a normal-ish life. Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth, John Smith, new-new-Doctor by her side. But…he hadn't been able to save her that one time. The one time it mattered the most. And he hadn't been able to save her again, when he burned up a sun saying goodbye. That time, the saving wasn't from some angry deity, or some resting consciousness. No, oh no. That time, he had to save her from him. And he had failed.

She loved him. He would never forget the tears running down her cheeks, her face crunched up in a sob. He caused that. He caused it because he was the one she loved. And he didn't save her from herself.

He knew that if he was still her first Doctor, he could have saved her. He would just make some angry comment about 'stupid apes and your hormones' and it would keep her angry enough to tamp down those feelings. She would go places with him, running for her life with him, but keep her nose turned up and her true feelings turned down for just a while. Long enough to give him some relief that if they got separated, she could handle it. She could move on from him.

But this new him. Damn, he was fine. In all senses of the word. He was noble, sometimes. He was brave, sometimes. He had guts, sometimes. And…he cherished Rose and pulled her closer. Sometimes. When it came to him getting to love her, he was open to her. Adoring glances, shot across the console of the TARDIS, which she returned with her tongue-in-teeth smile and flushed a little in the cheeks. When she tried to ask him anything, anything at all…well, he carefully steered her away from that subject, and would then take off to sulk in the kitchen, eating way too much banana ice cream. If looks could burn, then his intense stare after one of those diversions would have left her glowing brighter than Bad Wolf, with the TARDIS kitchen in flames…

"Remember cuddles in the kitchen/Yeah/To get things off the ground/And it was/Up up and away/But thats right hard to remember/On a day like today/When you're all argumentative/And you've got 'that face' on"

A smooth male voice flows from the TARDIS sound system, snapping the Doctor out of his morose reverie. Funny…the lyrics are a little too similar to his own personal plight, and he wallows even deeper. Oh Rose…

He knows that he will never forget her, and thats the most justice that he can do in her memory. There isn't anything more that he can do, and he has to accept that. If he keeps dwelling much more, the depression could get to his immune system. He doesn't want to lose this body…

This body, with the perfectly mussed hair, the hair Rose would run her fingers through… This body with the long slender fingers, that fit perfectly into her small childlike hand… This body with the very nice physical attributes that Rose praised, after an especially trying adventure, when they would retire to either his or her bedroom… The body whose lips had kissed hers…nibbled at her ear…found all the perfect pulse points on her pale neck…that had savored the taste of her…

"Im gonna get you to burst/Just like you were a bubble/Frame me up on your wall/Just to keep me out of trouble/Like Im off getting trapped/In the light by fixation….And I love/The way/You hurt me/Its irresistible…"

The speakers are blaring now, pumping out some 2000's emo/pop punk classics. The mood of the music matches the Doctor's at the moment, and he loses himself in the heavy baseline. The heavy dance beat paired with the angst-y lyrics speaks to him right now, and he has the TARDIS turn up the music until its so loud he cant hear his own two hearts beat. He becomes the beat, his hips swaying time.

He finds himself next to his alcohol cabinet, even though he doesn't remember walking over to it. He hardly ever gets alcohol, there isn't any need for him to drink really. Surprisingly, the cabinet is full of some heavy-duty stuff, even for a Time-Lord. Where in Rassillon did all that stuff come from…? And then, the Doctor remembers the time that Captain Jack stumbled in, a backpack full of 'acquired' (highly illegal, for the 230% alcohol level) alcohol, and then passed out oh-so-close to reaching the bathroom. Rose, being the ever-domestic, has the Doctor help her drag Jack to a spare room and then cleans up all of the stuff in his backpack. Most of it she stuck into various cabinets, but some the Doctor insisted be thrown away, like the ball gags and leather pants that were stuffed 'inconspicuously' in a corner of the bag.

And oh, how he is thankful for Jack now… His antics are the savior of him. Well, the destruction of him, really. But at the moment, his savior, as he can drift away from everything he is thinking and to become just another traveller.

And drift away he does. As he 'copes', the Doctor is lost to this world, eventually falling fast asleep leaning uncomfortably against the console. The console, he thinks as he falls into oblivion, that he had Rose on…


End file.
